What if My Partner Wants Sex More Often than I Do?

Differences in sexual desire are one of the most common relational challenges. These discrepancies do not necessarily signal dysfunction but require communication and mutual respect.

Evidence & Expert Perspectives
Mark et al. (2013) found that sex drive or desire discrepancies are common in both married and dating couples. These differences are associated with lower sexual satisfaction but can be managed through communication and compromise.

Impett et al. (2014) reported that partners who engage in sex out of genuine care for the other, rather than obligation, maintain higher satisfaction. However, repeated sacrifice without reciprocity can breed resentment.

Couples should:

• Discuss desire differences openly without blame.

• Seek compromises that honor both partners’ needs.

• Avoid coercion or obligation, focusing instead on mutual pleasure.

Desire differences are normal. Successful couples navigate them by prioritizing respect, communication, and creativity.

👉 For guidance on navigating desire differences, see my course Keeping the Love You Find.

References

• Impett, E. A., Muise, A., & Peragine, D. (2014). Sexuality in the context of relationships. In D. L. Tolman & L. M. Diamond (Eds.), APA handbook of sexuality and psychology (Vol. 1, pp. 269–316). American Psychological Association.

• Mark, K. P., Herbenick, D., Fortenberry, J. D., Sanders, S. A., & Reece, M. (2013). A psychometric comparison of three scales and a single-item measure to assess sexual satisfaction. Journal of Sex Research, 50(5), 471–480.