Should I Stay Friends With an Ex?

The decision to remain friends with a former partner is complex and context-dependent. While some friendships can be supportive, others may hinder emotional recovery.

Research by Mogilski and Welling (2017) suggests that people maintain friendships with ex-partners for several reasons, including emotional support, continued romantic attraction, or practical benefits. However, motivations matter: friendships driven by unresolved attraction are more likely to impede healing.

Studies also show that post-breakup friendships can increase emotional distress if boundaries are unclear (Koenig Kellas, 2006). For some, remaining in contact may prolong attachment and prevent the formation of new relationships.

Factors to consider include:

• Can I interact with my ex without emotional distress?

• Are motivations rooted in genuine friendship or lingering attachment?

• Will this friendship affect future romantic opportunities?

Friendship with an ex is not inherently harmful, but it must be carefully evaluated. For many, taking a period of no contact is essential before deciding on friendship.

👉 For tools on setting healthy boundaries after breakup, see my course Healing After Breakup.

References

• Koenig Kellas, J. (2006). Family communication about courtship, marriage, and divorce: Negotiating stories of relational meaning. Communication Monographs, 73(4), 439–465.

• Mogilski, J. K., & Welling, L. L. (2017). Staying friends with an ex: Sex and dark personality traits predict motivations for post-relationship friendship. Personality and Individual Differences, 115, 169–176.