Is It Normal to Argue This Much?

Many couples question whether their frequency of arguments indicates dysfunction or likelihood of separation. However, research suggests that conflict is inevitable in intimate partnerships. The key factor is not frequency, but how conflicts are managed.

Gottman’s (1994) research demonstrates that even satisfied couples argue. The difference lies in conflict styles. Successful couples use humor, repair attempts, and validation, while distressed couples escalate with criticism or contempt.

Markman et al. (2010) emphasize that unresolved conflicts, rather than frequent ones, predict divorce. Effective conflict resolution involves addressing issues directly and ensuring both partners feel heard.

Couples should focus on:

• Reducing hostile escalation.

• Practicing repair strategies.

• Addressing recurring themes with openness rather than avoidance.

Arguments are not inherently problematic. What matters most is the ability to repair and reconnect afterward.

👉 My course Keeping the Love You Find provides practical tools for healthier conflict management.

References

• Gottman, J. M. (1994). Why marriages succeed or fail. Simon & Schuster.

• Markman, H. J., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Ragan, E. P., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). The premarital communication roots of marital distress and divorce. In F. Walsh (Ed.), Normal family processes (4th ed., pp. 123–146). Guilford Press.