Can Opposites Really Attract Long-Term?

The phrase “opposites attract” is a common belief in popular culture. While differences can spark initial intrigue, research suggests that long-term success depends more on shared values than on contrasting traits.

Studies consistently show that similarity in values, personality, and goals predicts relationship satisfaction more strongly than difference (Watson et al., 2004). Although complementary traits may create novelty, mismatched values in areas such as finances, honesty, and family life predict instability.

From an evolutionary perspective, some differences may provide adaptive benefits. For instance, variation in immune system genes can increase genetic fitness in offspring (Garver-Apgar et al., 2006). However, such biological complementarity does not offset the importance of psychological compatibility.

Opposites can succeed if they align on core values. Couples should distinguish between surface-level differences (e.g., hobbies) and deeper incompatibilities (e.g., honesty, trust, lifestyle goals).

Opposites may attract, but only similarities sustain long-term love. Relationships built on shared values provide a stronger foundation for lasting fulfillment.

👉 For strategies on aligning values in long-term relationships, see my course Keeping the Love You Find.

References

• Garver-Apgar, C. E., Gangestad, S. W., Thornhill, R., Miller, R. D., & Olp, J. J. (2006). Major histocompatibility complex alleles, sexual responsivity, and unfaithfulness in romantic couples. Psychological Science, 17(10), 830–835.

• Watson, D., Klohnen, E. C., Casillas, A., Simms, E. N., Haig, J., & Berry, D. S. (2004). Match makers and deal breakers: Analyses of assortative mating in newlywed couples. Journal of Personality, 72(5), 1029–1068.